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Hiding your disability on dating sites

A phone with the word dating on it
A phone on its side with the word "Dating" on it. The screen is white and there's a pink background behind the phone.

This article discusses the idea of people hiding their disability on dating sites.

Personally I wouldn't hide my disability because I just assume people would just cut off contact if I did. I wouldn't want to waste time on people who wouldn't be interested.

Why people would want to hide their disability on dating websites?

Most people wouldn't be interested if a person has a disability. You could get more messages if you hide your disability.

Certain types of people also message people with disabilities such as people calling them inspiring and abusers. Some people would also message asking random questions about your disability. Hiding your disability may allow you to avoid such messages.

How people may hide their disability

I don't endorse taking this approach but here's how you could hide your disability.

If your disability is visible you would take pictures that don't show your wheelchair or cane etc. You could do similar when appearing on webcam.

Not appearing on webcam is an option too and might be a good option if you have a speech impairment. Keep in mind this tactic is used by scammers so I do not recommend doing this.

If I was going to hide my disability on a dating profile I would just tell them that I have a disability on the first message.

Consequences for hiding your disability

A typical consequence would be people not responding to you when you tell them that you have a disability. The person may block you.

I imagine this may result in emotional pain. If this happens frequently then it could take an emotional toll on you.

Dating should be a good experience but it isn't for many people with disabilities. If I hid my disability and got rejected when I revealed it I believe that the experience would be worse.

Even the initial act of hiding your disability may lead to a bad feeling.

A person could just walk out on the date if they discover that you have a disability on the day.

Someone was even sued for hiding their disability as the potential partner moved across the country to be with them.

Hiding your disability could be seen as lying

Trust is commonly considered the most important thing in a relationship. I believe that many people would consider you dishonest if you intentionally hide your disability.

Some would even claim "it's not the fact that you have a disability it's the fact that you lied about it". I believe that many people would be lying if they say this.

They may find out anyway

If they Google you or look you up on social media websites such as Facebook they may find out about your disability themselves. You can hide your social pictures. Hiding articles about you and your disability could be impossible.

Additionally they could show your pictures to someone and if that person knows you your secret could be out.

Disability pride concerns

I don't believe that hiding your disability would be consistent with the disability pride movement. However I believe that people should do what feels right for them. It's possible that some in the disability community will judge you for not being open about your disability on your dating profile.

Effect on friendships

If you're looking for friendships in conjunction then hiding your disability may not be a good way to go about this.

Disadvantages of hiding your disability

You could have trouble with conversations if your potential date constantly talks about engaging in physical activities you cannot do. If they want to go somewhere that's inaccessible to you it may be necessary that to make up an excuse on why you cannot go.

Options to disclose your disability

If you do want to disclose your disability you can do it in several ways.

For those with visible disabilities you could have it in your profile picture and in your about me section.

You could make a joke about it. For example you could say "I come with special parking".

If you want to be more subtle you could just have a line at the end of your profile. Keep in mind that many people do not read until the end.

You could also be blunt. I think that I took this approach.

Perhaps a positive approach is best. Someone sent me a message that my profile was "dragging people down" so I responded by deleting my entire profile. The main reason that I deleted it was because dating websites seemed like a waste of time.

Keep in mind if you are not clear enough as your disability some people may misunderstand and back out. This sometimes happens to me when seeking fun.

Some personal experience on social media

On Facebook when I leave my wheelchair out of my profile picture I get messages from random guys in another country who want to hookup. When I leave my wheelchair in I get fewer of these messages but then I get many messages from people wanting to talk about my disability. Honestly I don't have time to keep answering either message type so I don't put myself in profile photos.

Thanks for reading

I hope that this article was helpful.

This page was originally published at 03/11/2020 05:17:48 UTC

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